Le Whatever

I did an ECT consultation on Wednesday. Of course I am a candidate, though with labs and a check with a neurologist about my twitching and tremors. They would recommend I continue some (ineffective?) medication or another.

I wandered around the neighborhood looking for a log for a little primitive bench I want to make.

Someone dumped an easy chair behind my compost.

My niece turned five, also on Wednesday.

Mostly, though, I am trying hard to care despite the sickening emptiness.

I was reading through my dad’s sort of workbook/journal trying to find a password to an account of mine, and he mentioned everybody’s birthday except mine. Just a meaningless oversight, maybe, but still….

I don’t know what else, man. I’m sorry that half of my posts are like this.



7 thoughts on “Le Whatever

  1. MyHomeIsWriting

    Where you see emptiness I see a search for meaning and purpose. I don’t believe you would spend the time writing these words if you weren’t, even unconsciously, seeking meaning and purpose. You’ll find it, so long as you don’t give up.

    1. MyHomeIsWriting

      Reading over my comment now I feel like I’m chiding you for feeling this way. You have every right to think and feel whatever you want–no one can tell you otherwise. Well, then can, but fuck them. Just know that I’m here for you as much as I can be. I hope you find the light in life sooner rather than later, or not at all.

  2. doesitevenmatter3

    You don’t have to apologize to us. We care about you. We understand. And we want you to express yourself.
    Happy Birthday to your niece! 5 is a great age! 🙂
    I would love to see the bench you make. I love rustic benches.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers, SweetC.


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