Just because

Yesterday I visited a psychologist because evidently they wanted to inform my parents of something (yeah, I don’t recall being in the loop on this, probably for the somewhat true reason that I have a lot of trouble caring at this point). Anyway, we entered her office and she wondered why we had not cancelled the appointment. After speaking to my psychiatrist she figured she could not do anything for me. I do not talk enough. I am not opened enough about my problems.

Well, I’ll tell you what–maybe if I believed anything of any value came out of any of this, I would be more talkative. Years ago I brought up anxiety, anger over various things, lethargy, loneliness, feelings of inadequacy and being different and not fitting in with society or my classmates. I don’t doubt that I sucked at expressing these things, but over the course of a decade SOME of this comes out: I know because they attempted to treat me for the anxiety and lack of energy and the depression which supposedly results from many of those aforementioned feelings.

Following a no-improvement shock therapy I feel primarily apathetic towards the doctors and their diagnoses. I am just not feeling good about any of this. Sorry this comes up every other blog post at least.

In a more positive sentiment, I am making items for a few people just for that whole “matter to me” thing: Jodie because I think she’ll be a good contributor to her field. Also she’s just just good general thinker, good writer, also–I have to admit–really pretty…. Anyway, I made her a little ballet point shoe out of wood from a tree I cut apart and processed. That is already made and sent, by the way–thought it made sense to add here, though. I wanted to make something for Walker (anaraug) too because he’s followed my blog since the early days of Xanga (like, Fall of 2010) and we’ve kept in touch ever since. He’s also just another of these smart folks who blogs about a lot of interesting things, and I offered to make his gf something too if she would like it–this project is an unwashed denim hat for Walker and earrings of some sort for his gf. These need some refining in design, and owing to my woeful slowness are not started.

And ok–it occurs to me several more people should be listed here, but I am honestly burnt out with writing for the moment, so I should edit them in.

At least this ended on a better note


6 thoughts on “Just because

  1. doesitevenmatter3

    I’m sorry to hear things do not seem, or feel, better since the therapy/treatments. 😦
    I wish there was something I could say or do to help. Please know that I do care. I do pray for you. I do send positive thoughts and love your way. I’ve always admired that you are such an intelligent, creative, gifted young man. 🙂 And appreciated you letting me think of you as one of my “Xanga-kids”. 🙂 I’ve always enjoyed reading your writing and seeing your handiwork. 🙂 What you are doing for your friend is excellent! For them and for you! 🙂

    1. thecuriousbum Post author

      I’d make something for you just so you know, just haven’t asked since I wasn’t sure you’d want to give out an address :P. Regardless, you’ve been here since my beginnings on blogging, too, and I’ve appreciated it. It’s definitely made the sad times better even if it doesn’t sound so obvious. So, love your way, too ❤

  2. Walker

    I love you man. Doctors can be difficult. I feel like some require more talking than others to get the job done. I’ve been really lucky with mine but I hear so many horror stories about mental health professionals.


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